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Hello world it's me, Allison

Yes I know......I have totally ignored my blog for a few months.  I really thought that I would be able to keep it up and work.  Well we all know the answer to that! Lots has happened since I last wrote.  First and most important, I am still loosing weight.  I have not gained any back.  I'm down 50 pounds so far!  I'm at my half way mark.  The last 20 pounds has been very slow.  I have not be able to find time to work out like I was before.  But none the less I'm still eating very healthy and I really feel like I have made a lifestyle change.  It feels amazing!!!

I recently quit my job,  I know I only had it for about 3 months.  I hoped that I could keep it and find a way to work it in around Bryans nursing program and the kids school and pre school for Seth.  I had planned on finding day cared for Seth.  Well Bryans schedule ended up being very hard to work around and with the kids in school and the demands that brings and Seth in Pre school I just couldn't find a happy balance with my job,  I loved working there,.  If things settle down I might go back.  I love working.  I also love being home for my kids.  I love them knowing that I'm home and if they need anything I am here.  I love being able to take them to school and pick them up.  I love making them and after school snack and helping with homework.  Going to work is so much easier than being home but I know it will bless my kids and my husband.  I work for me really.  So I decided to not be selfish and take advantage of the opportunities we have right now. 

I also decided that since I need an out everyday that I would go back to school to get my cosmetology license.  I graduated from beauty school forever ago but never went and took the state test so I could be licensed.  I have finally realized that doing hair is really want I love to do.  So I am going back to school on September 17th.  I will only be doing 900 hours instead of the 2000 that I already did.  IN order to get grants I had to do at least 900 hours.  So I'm going part time from 5pm-10pm.  I am very excited!  It will give me the out I love and Bryan will be home from school when I go so I can still be apart of the stuff I love with my kids and not have to put them in day care.  So it will only take about a year and then I can work doing hair.  I'm so excited!!! 

So that's my plan B!  Not working and going to school at night.  It helps Bryan get through school without stressing about things at home because I am home to take care of it and then I'm here for my kids and that's how it should be.  I'm trying to get used to all the stay at home mom stuff again and trying hard to be better at it than I was last time. 

Heres to hoping I can keep it all together!

Goooooo ME!!!!

Down 40 pounds! Yeah!!!

I guess I'm not Super Woman after all.

I have been neglecting my blog.  Poor thing!  Seriously this working stuff is hard!   I thought for sure I'd be able to keep it up!  I guess I'm not the wonder woman I thought I was!

So I am hoping that things calm down soon.  Right now I'm working from 7:30am to 4:30 pm.  Not bad right?  I don't mind these hours but here is the problem.  It leaves me no time for ME! Gosh!

I thought I could wake up at 5:00am and work out until 6:00am then get ready for work and go to work.  Then I could come home and play with my kids, cook dinner, blog, face book, watch TV, feed the homeless, make sweaters for the needy and stop the war in the middle east BUT unfortunately this is how my life had been going........... I wake up at 6:00 am still feeling very tired and wanting to hit the snooze button, take a shower and get ready for work, eat my toast, grapefruit and protein shake, make my lunch and go to work.  Then nine hours later I come home, eat the dinner my husband or my mother in law made (which is great because I don't love to cook) and then I sit on the couch and watch cartoons with my kids and sometimes fall asleep while watching cartoons.  Then I wake up, and go to bed!  What is my problem!  LUCKY for me I have not gained any weight back.  LUCKY for me I am still eating very very healthy!  I know it's the only thing saving my butt right now!

So here is my hope!  I hope once I am out of training that I start work later.  I've never liked working later but now with my new healthy life I have to make working out a priority!  So if I can go into work at the earliest 9:00am that will make a world of difference in my workout plans! I really am praying to get a later shift.

So there you have it!  I AM NOT SUPER WOMAN!  What was I thinking?!?!?!?!

Thanks for continuing to read my blog even thought I've been neglecting YOU my readers! I still love you like crazy and appreciate your love and support as I continue on with my goals and I WILL weight 150 pounds by February 2, 2013 only 85 pounds to go!!! 

News flash!

I have gone down 2 sizes!!!  I'm so excited!!!  And even that size is feeling almost to big! 

Here is an update on my new life as a working girl!

I just finished week two!  I passed my test!  Well I got 100% actually! I'm so smart!!! 

Two more weeks and I'll be completely out of training! I think I'm going to like this job.  I've made some new friends and absolutely love being back in a routine!  I'm packing a sack lunch everyday and so I eating great!  Love how I feel!!! 

MORE EXCITING NEWS!!!

My husband got accepted to the nursing program!  We are so happy!  That means in 18 months he'll have his RN.

I need to get my groove back!!!

It's been EIGHT days since I've worked out!!!  Yes you heard it right, EIGHT days!  I'm in desperate need of getting my groove back.  Here is what happened....EIGHT days ago I was sooooo sore!  I have been working on my running skills.  I have been walking up hill one mile and then running most of it down.  It's a nice steady incline, nothing serious.  But man oh man were my legs hurting!  I think my poor legs are wishing I'd miraculously drop 75 pounds over night so they wouldn't be in so much pain carrying all this body around!  Soon enough...soon enough.  But until then this slow and steady wins the race stuff sucks!  I've been at a stand still in my weight loss for a few weeks not which seems like forever!  During the biggest loser challenge in my community I was able to drop 30 pounds during the 9 weeks and then a week or two after but since then NOTHING!   I'm sure my EIGHT days of no calorie burn hasn't helped one little bit either!

So after being to sore to work out....I also started my new job!  I'm on day three of training and so far so good.  There are eighteen people in my training class.  Thirteen boys and five girls!  I think I'm the third oldest in the class!  So weird to feel old.  But everyone is always surprised that I am really as old as I am! So that is good right?!?!?!  Anyway, I know sit ALL DAY LONG!  I mean I did that most my life anyway but since my new healthy lifestyle, this sitting all day thing isn't playing in my favor!  So I definitely need to figure out a way to work in my work out.  Right now I have to wake up at 6:00am to get ready for work and to be there at 7:30am.  So if I workout I have to get up at FIVE IN THE MORNING!  I know, I know, it's not that early and I did it for 10 weeks during the weight loss challenge but now it's so hard!  I need to just get over it and do it!  Ok that's it, tomorrow morning I will wake up at FIVE IN THE MORNING and workout.  Deal? Deal.

On a good note.....I have been eating very healthy!  Still sticking to that great!!!  NO fatty food! It's temping to drink a Diet Coke or Diet Dr Pepper still but I'm holding strong.  It's been  103 days since my last drink!

 It's really fun for me to work and get to know new people.  I love people!  LOVE PEOPLE!  So I am looking forward to being a working woman again.  It works out well since my husband is out of school for the summer!  Then in the fall I'll need to find a daycare for my almost four year old since he's not in school full time yet.  But it will only be for a few hours a day.  So that won't kill anyone.

Well, there ya got it folks!  I'm a slacker BUT I will get my groove back and quick like FIVE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!!!  

Too Tired

Do you ever feel tired all the time?  I do!  I have known this about myself for quite sometime.  I used to think it was just in my genes to take naps.  My mom is a napper and I grew up taking naps.  But I have never gotten out of the habit or whatever it is!  Is it a habit or is my body really that tired.  I find myself going to bed around 10:30pm and I usually wake up at some point in the night and am up for an hour or so and then I can get back to sleep and then when I wake up around 7:00 am I don't feel rested.  By the time noon comes I would like a nap!  Is this normal?  I have told every doctor I ever seen that I'm always tired but nobody seems to be concerned.  So I keep just plugging along.  They usually check my thyroid and blood count and whatever else but nothing comes up abnormal.  I have always been good at taking vitamins.  I always take a multi vitamin as well as other vitamins.  Not sure why, I guess they are good for you.   So I hate that I'm always tired and I hate that I always want a nap.  Lucky for me or maybe it's not lucky but I have been able to take naps.  Whether or it's been when my kids are taking naps or if my husband is home watching the kids I have been able to nap.  I hate that its wasting time but I honestly can't function without it!  At least that's how I feel. I'm looking into supplements for my chronic fatigue or adrenal fatigue problem!  Anyone have any tips?  I have been eating great and working out for 3 1/2 months now and I'm still tired.  I do stress a lot and have major anxiety in lots of situations.  I wonder if that is causing my belly fat to stay put.  I wonder if I was less stressed out and had less anxiety if I would loos more weight!  I'm kind of at a stand still right now and it's frustrating.  I'm not gaining but I'm not loosing.  Time to switch it up a bit I guess.

So I'm starting a new job on Monday!  I'm pretty excited but worried.  I won't be able to take my mid day nap!  What will I do?!?!?!? LOL

I took my Prozac today!

So the other day I went to the doctor.  I thought in order to get my hormone checked I needed to go to an OBGYN.  So I found one and went.  It was not a good experience!  I waited for about 40 minutes and then was back in the room for about 5 minutes and that included the vaginal exam!  Now I'm not sure why I had to get a vaginal exam since I don't have a uterus or a cervix but OK.....Then he asked me what I'm here for and I said, Well I want to get my hormones tested.  I feel like I'm going crazy!  He said OK lets get some blood work and I'll see you back in THREE weeks to talk about it!!!  THREE week!  Seriously?!?!?!  I could kill a person by then!  So then I had to go to the hospital to get the blood work done.  

Later that day I was talking to my nurse cousin and she was like what are they testing you for that takes three weeks?  So I called the lab and they already had my results!  That was 1 day later!  Not THREE weeks!  So I called my family doctor and got an appointment for the next today to have him go over my results rather than waiting so long to go back to the OB.  I really like our family doctor so far.  He's seen my kids once and now me and so far so good.  

Well.......get this!  ALL of my hormone levels are normal!  So I guess it's OK to freak out at people and want to divorce your husband every other week   Yeah that's normal right???  Well after lots of questions we came to the conclusion I have PMDD.  That is Premenstrual dysphoric disorder!

Might be an easy diagnosis but I'll take it if there is something I can do to help it!  So I was put back on Prozac.  I was on it for awhile and went off it about 7 months or so ago.  Thinking I can handle life without it but apparently I can't!  So welcome back happy pill!!!  I welcome you!

So today was my second day on it and I'm actually already feeling a little better.  I also started taking DHEA.  It's a natural products that helps with mood and lots of other good things so I figured why not!  I sure hope it works!  

Today I actually have been pretty pleasant to be around!  My and my husband actually worked on putting laundry way together and I didn't kill him and I wasn't ever even mean! Wahoo!

Here's to drugs!

Like a roller coster

This roller coaster looks like my life!!!

See all those ups and downs???  Yep my life!

So it's been a few days since I have wrote.  This has probable been my longest break since I started this blog.   I've been feeling blah!  Do you ever feel that way or is it just me?  I feel ornery, impatient, annoyed all of those things!  When this happens I like to think back and give myself a little evaluation.  First thing I ask myself, How are you eating?  I am still eating good.  I'm staying under my calorie goal or at it.  I'm not going over.  BUT I think I need to get more fruits and veggies in my body.  That is the only thing I can think of that is different oh and I did have some peanut butter M&M's the other day and a candy bar yesterday!  Crap!!!  This is the weird part!  Honestly I don't have a sweet tooth!  My sister laughs at me because she has a major sweet tooth and I always tell her how I'm not much of sweets person.  It's true!  But we have had this on going joke for years!!!  It's funny to us!  So when I decided to be healthy once and for all, giving up sugar wasn't hard for me.  The hard part was giving up fast, deliciously greasy food!  I LOVE fast food!  It sounds gross now but at the time of my life change I loved it!  Honestly I never ate candy.  If I ever did it always tested to sweet and I couldn't even finish a jolly rancher!  That was until my mouth met peanut butter M&M's or anything with chocolate and peanut butter!  Oh my gosh!  So now I know I can not have those things or I will eat way to much!  I have not self control.  If it's good I just eat it and eat it!

Next thing I ask myself, how are your workouts?  Well I have been working out on the treadmill a lot lately.  I got lazy about the gym.  I have to get up so early to get to to the 6am classes I love!  I found out that I burn as many if not more calories by running and walking a fast pace on the treadmill.  So I have been able to sleep in an hour longer and just go out to my garage and workout.  So that is still good but I have missed a day here and there where as with the big looser challenge I didn't miss a day of working out!  I even worked out on vacation! Shocker!

So this roller coaster I am on.....I have no idea why!  Maybe I need to go back to the basics and kinda start over!  I bet that will be a good thing.  Kinda start this whole process over and get a fresh start!  I probable need to workout out 2 times a day rather than 1.  I am sure that will help too but I hate getting all sweaty two times a day!  Two showers, two times doing my hair, lots of added laundry! Ugg!  Excuses, excuses!!!

I really hope that when I go to the doctor today, he find something wrong with my hormones!  Maybe that will explain this roller coaster!  I mean I have been very ornery lately!  Mostly to my husband!  I know it and I just don't even care!  That's not good!!!  

If the doctor finds nothing wrong and I am in normal ranges, then what!  I know I don't feel right!  I feel like I'm off balance somewhere!  It's a mystery!

Starting to run v e r y s l o w l y

Ever since February 2, 2012 When I started on my weight loss journey, I have been fearful of running!  My whole life I have hated to run.  I now know it's all about brain power!  I never had a desire to run and so when ever I was asked to run I hated to do it and would get around it some how if at all possible.  In some of the classes I take at the gym, we run in between circuits.  I do manage to make it once around the track most of the time in the minute we are given before we need to be back to the next circuit station. 

Yesterday I had a personal training session with my trainer.  We each won one!  It was a great prize!  I paid for one earlier on and it was worth every penny.    Well yesterday this one was free.  I love free!  It was great!  I have been wanting to run more and learn how to love it!  So we worked on the treadmill.  She had me walk at 3.0 for two minutes and then run at 6.0 for one minute.  We did this for 30 minutes.

One thing I finally learned is that I am getting the brain power and determination!  I am seeing the benefits of running!  In the 30 minutes of this interval training I burned as many calories as I do when I walk 3 miles in a hour!  It was awesome!!!

So today I went out to my home treadmill and did the same thing!  It was harder not having my trainer by my side to cheer me on but I did it!  

I have also seen a change in myself!  I noticed it yesterday with my trainer and so did she.  For some reason when I am working out or running or jogging or whatever.....I will stop a few seconds early on everything!  It's like my brain doesn't want to do what it's supposed to do or has been asked to do.  If I am asked to run for one minute, I will automatically stop at 57 seconds or so.  I HATE that I do this!  It makes me so mad!  I'm cheating myself!  I have been working on not stopping early. I have been working on this for a couple weeks.  The first time I did this was with the 9K and I totally let myself down and felt horrible!  I never wanted that feeling again. Well NOW I don't do that!  I go until the time is up and maybe a second or two past just to do it!  I feels so good!  I now will set a goal for myself with every workout.  Now when I get done working out I know that I did my absolute best and I didn't let myself down.  It's a great feeling!

My trainer also recommend a book for me to read.  It's my Jillian Michaels and it's called Master Your Metabolism.  I am totally going to get this book!  She also asked me to write five things on sticky notes and stick them on my bathroom mirror.  Here are mine,

1- I am strong

2- I can do anything

3- I am loved

4- Don't you quit

5- I am 130 pounds ( my goal weight)

It really does help to have these reminders!

Someday I hope to be able to run at a 6.0 or faster for longer than a minute!  I will keep working on it and slowly but surly I'm going to do it!

I'm offical! I have my own button!!!

 You can copy and paste the html code and put it on your blog to let everyone know you read mine!!! 




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Mistakes or learning exsperiences???

I've been think a lot about the last two years or so.  As I think back on them I see lots of ups and downs.  Like a very long roller coaster.    It might even go back further than two years.

Let me give you a little back ground on my life and why I think I've had a hard time the past couple of years...at least.

All my life, until a couple years ago, I lived my life in a way most would think was close to perfect.  I tried hard to live this way.   I did everything I needed to do to live my life the way I had been taught to do so in my church and by my parents.  I didn't ever feel like I was missing out on anything.  I loved my life and I felt like God loved me.  I knew I was making my parents proud at how I was growing up.  I took a lot of slack from some of my friends and people I went to school with.  I wasn't a goody goody but I'm sure some people thought I was.  I just wanted to live the right way.

Honestly I can I say I didn't do anything wrong until I was like 20 years old.  I felt horrible.  I even remember at the time thinking OK I'm done with that.  That is not my thing.  I remember girls I worked with having parties and going off in big groups camping and stuff.  Part of me wanted to be apart of that group.  They were always having fun.  But they never invited me because to them I was to good.  You know?

Well after a couple little bumps in the road, I did end up serving a mission for my church.  I went to the Honolulu Hawaii mission.  Absolutely the best experience ever!  Serving a mission made me realize how grate full I was that I lived my life so good and didn't make to many mistakes along the way.  I knew it was all for a reason and I was grateful.  Serving my mission allowed me to fully focus on the real purpose of life and other people.  It was amazing!  I will forever be thankful for that experience. 

After I got home from my mission I wanted to get married and have kids.  After being home about a year and a half I married my husband.........this is where things started to go wrong.  Not right away but eventually.  My husband was also a returned missionary.  I thought we at least had that in common.  I knew that whatever problems we had in our marriage as long as we were on the same page with religion we should be able to make it through.

I don't remember exactly when but right around five years into our marriage my husband informed me he no longer believed in the church we both belonged to.  He hadn't gone to church for the first five years of our marriage.  He worked on Sundays for the first 10 years of our lives together.  I know it's easy to fall away if you don't go to church.  But he was adamant that he no longer believed.  This information killed me!  I felt betrayed and lied too.  The whole life I had planned in my head was not going to happen!  The whole base of our marriage felt like it no longer was there.  It was gone!  Of course we loved each other and we didn't just get married because we both belonged to the same church and were both returned missionaries.  My whole life I was only going to marry a returned missionary!

Ever since he dropped that load of horrible information I began to fall apart inside.  I no longer felt like we saw eye to eye on anything.  I no longer felt like our marriage meant anything.  I felt like if he no longer believed in our religion then our temple marriage was false.  It was a a very devastating time for me.  I seriously considered leaving him just based on that alone.

Well as the years went on, I tried to go to church by myself or with my children.  But its VERY hard to go alone without your spouse.  I don't know why, it just is.  I tried and I still try but it isn't the same.  I always wanted to be one of those cute couples at church that teach a class together or speak in church together.  We have never spoke together.  He always refused the invitation.  I wanted to be that cute couple that held hands and whispered during class together or wrote love notes to each other as the teacher taught.  None of that ever happened for me.  I know it's petty and small but to me it was big and something I thought would always be.

For years now, off and on I have been inactive.  I try hard for awhile and then stop for awhile and then try again and stop.  Sometimes it feels like when I don't go to church that Bryan and I actually get along better.  I 'm not sure why.  Sometimes I find myself being mad at him more for not going to church when I go.  It's weird.

Anyway, I felt betrayed by Bryan.  I felt like living my life so "perfect" was all in vain!  I felt like I missed out on lots of fun growing up trying to be so perfect so I could have this perfect marriage in the temple and then that didn't happen.  So to be honest I quit trying.  I gave up!  Completely gave up on so many things.  In the past two years I have made A LOT of mistakes.  A LOT!  I've done things I'm not proud of.  BUT today I decided that I was going to be happy about my life.  To do that I need to forgive myself for all the horrible things I have done and move on and be happy.  I found myself holding on to all those things and beating myself up for them over and over again.  I did start going back to church in October of 2011.  But I go through phases where I beat myself up again and then quit going.   I really truly hope I can forgive myself and move on.   So from this point on, I am going to forgive myself.  I have learned many things from my mistakes!  That is good right?  I was so glad when 2011 was over!  I was so glad 2012 was going to be the best year ever.  It has been a good year so far in lots of ways but I've made mistakes this year too!  I will always make mistakes, it's part of the process.  It's just hard!

Lets all forgive ourselves today of our pasts and more forward with faith and hope! 

Big Loser Community Boot Camp 2012

Just watch and thats a vote for Justin's Power Circuit Class!!! This is my awesome team!!! We are crazy and totally ok with it!

Starting to see some change

 This picture was taken January 2012

This pic was taken today April 28, 2012

about 4 months later.  I officially started my weight loss journey on February 2, 2012.  Ironic that it was also my 10 year anniversary. 

I think I am finally starting to see some change.  My real face is starting to come back.  It's be hiding under lots of fat stuffing ;) for along time!!!

29 pounds lost since February 2, 2012.

It's not HORMONES!!! Or is it???

 These images say it all!!!

So every time I am pregnant I am a total beast to almost everyone I come in contact with!  After my third baby was born I decided this pregnancy things is for the birds and I quit!  It felt so great to take the control in my heads and decide I'm done!  All my life (since puberty of course) I had horrible periods!  I didn't really know they were all that bad because it's all I knew.  I never complained about the pain or the "flow".  I just dealt with it.  It seemed normal to me.  Since I didn't know any better!  I dealt with it and dealt with it.  Whatever we all do it!  Well us ladies anyway!!!

Well fast forward to November 2008.... I had my third baby on July 1, 2008.  I had a harder time getting pregnant with him than my other two kids.  In fact I had no issues at all getting pregnant with my first two.  A year before my last pregnancy I got pregnant.  That one ended in a miscarriage at about 8 weeks or so.  I was bummed but to be honest I wasn't ready to be pregnant and I think my heart and mind knew it was n;t a good time.  I think I needed to go through that experience though.  I was happy with just two kids and was pretty sure I was done after number two.  Well after the miscarriage I KNEW FOR A FACT I NEEDED AND WANTED another baby!  After the miscarriage I had lots of problems.  My period was not happening.  I was worried.  After several months I went to the doctor and he gave me a few little pills that I took and then after that my period came.  The next month I was pregnant!  Wahoo!

After baby boy number three was born I knew I was done.  Since I have c-sections  I had my tubes tied during the birth of by baby.  Perfect!  Well after a few months I decided that if I was not going to have any more babies I wanted to have my uterus removed so I would no longer have periods.  I mean come on....if I'm not going to get pregnant why in the world would I want to have a period!!!  So I had a bunch of test done.  Unfortunately doctors can't just remove organs and body parts without a reason to do so.  I had an awesome doctor who totally understood where I was coming from.  So I had the tests and found out that I had a pretty bad case of endometriosis.  I had it on the outside and the inside of my uterus.  So lucky for me that was reason enough to do the surgery.

Well, ever since having it removed I have had crazy hormones.  Is it because of the removal of my uterus or is it my age (35) or what in the world is it!!!  Every month I go through some major hormonal times.  Seriously mood swings is not even the word for it!  I need to start tracking it.  I'm a crazy person!  What is the deal!!! 

Well my husband is ALWAYS telling me I have a hormone imbalance! I HATE when he says this.  How does he know.  He's not a doctor!  He loves to diagnose me with things.  It gets old!  I am sure he's just trying to figure out why in the world would I hate him and want to divorce him at a certain time every month!  He's perfect according to him and there should be no reason why I would be upset with him other than my hormones!  It's always the damn hormones!!!  He's a man!  How would he know!!  Makes me soooooo mad!!!!

My new Body Bugg life!!!

If any of you watch The Biggest Loser on T.V you probable already know what the Body Bugg is.  If not, Here it is!  I am the proud new owner!  I got my in the mail yesterday.  I ordered it from 24 hour fitness.  You can get one too and if you use this link and enter in the code you will get $20.00 off!  

http://bodybugg.extole.com/offers/1371740389/interstitial/2R6C6L?dist_src=facebook

What you do it wear the arm band around your left arm and the watch sync to it to let you at a quick glance how many calories you have burned in your day and as you go along through out the day.  It has lots of great features.  I just started using mine last night.  I wanted to see how many calories I burn sleeping.  It's pretty amazing!

If comes with a website you use to log your food and calories.  You plus it in to your computer and it downloads all your info from the day.  It customizes a plan for you based on if you want to loose weight, maintain, bulk up etc.  Obviously I chose the loosing weight plan!  So according to the questions it asked me about food, exercise and stuff here is my plan.  I want to loose 2 pounds a week.  So it told me I need to eat 1900 calories a day, burn 2900 calories a day and I will loose 2 pounds a week! Sweet!

It resets at midnight every night.  So since midnight to now and it's 11:20am I have burned 1015 calories.  So I should be able to hit the 2900 mark in no time!  it's pretty exciting to be able to see what my body is doing on the inside right on my watch.  I highly recommend if you get one!  It was right around $165 dollars.  I don't normally have that kind of money to spend on myself for something like this but my Mom gave all her kids a $500 gift card to use on anything we wanted.  So I bought this and a Ninja Blender for all my green smoothies! YUM! 

So I'll keep you posted on how my Body Bugg life is going.  I have seen it work for some friends and of course it works on the Biggest Loser so it should work for me too!

I can't wait to post pics of me now and as I go along in my weight loss journey!  I'm considering taking pics in just panties and a bra so you can really see the difference as I go along.  Like maybe a monthly pic.  What do you think?  Will you all be to scared to read my blog with half nude pics of me on it???   Let me know......

My Sister My Hero!!!

 This past weekend I loaded my kids in the car and drove 5 hours to support my sister in her very first marathon!  She flew in from Arizona to run the Salt Lake City Marathon.

 She did amazing!  It was so exciting waiting and watching for her to run past us.  

 Seconds after finishing she looks amazing as always!  This girl was meant to run.  She hurt after but not like I would be hurting!  She wasn't very sweaty and wasn't even out of breath! AMAZING!  I can't even run an 1/8 of a mile without being out of breath! 

 The metals were very nice!  It was a fun day!

After she got showered and ready for the day we posed for this lovely shot!   My sister is so pretty! 

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As I watched the racers, I was almost emotional!  I thought about how amazing it is to be able to run and be healthy!  I thought about what was going on through the racers heads.  Everyone has there own reason inside for running and doing a race.  I was so happy for complete strangers as they did this race.    I was so happy to be able to be there for my sister.  My parents also drove a few hours to be there and we all stayed together in a hotel.  We had lots of fun together.  So glad I was there!

WAY TO GO ANDREA!!!  YOU ARE MY HERO!!!

The reason for my blog name

My blog name, Inside I'm Skinny, I really truly feel this way.  I don't see myself as an obese person.  Ever since I was thin like ten years ago, I have never seen myself as being over weight.  it's like the image of how I was then is forever etched in my mind.  When I took at myself in a mirror or in a picture, I'm SHOCKED!  Some people always see themselves as fat when they are very thin but I don't know to many people in my case.   Maybe this is a real thing, maybe some people do see themselves as skinny when they are indeed fat.  So you think?  Or am I alone?

Ever time I see myself in a picture I feel like I look disgusting!  Even now that I'm on a weight loss journey and have lost 27 pounds, I just can't seem to visually see the weight loss yet.  People are telling me they can tell, my clothes a looser, so it must be true.  I really must have lost 27 pounds!  But I can't see it!  It's hard! 

Losing weight can be very discouraging.  It's an up hill battle for sure!   I play mind games with myself and I even have conversations with myself in my head.  I try and talk myself out of working out or eating healthy.  One of the conversations I have with my head every time I work out is this,   

 

my head: At least your at the gym right?

 

me: Yes

 

my head:  as long as you are moving you are doing more than if you were at home

 

me: that's true, I don't need to push myself. 

 

my head: yeah if you were home in bed or on the couch you wouldn't been burning any calories

 

me: that's true, I'll just walk the track or treadmill or maybe slowly pedal the bike.  I'll just be there in the class but not work very hard today.

 

me head: yeah tat will be good, it's better than not doing anything at all!

 

me:  STOP!  You didn't get up early to quit early! (my trainer said this all the time)

 

me: Don't you quit! (another classic from my trainer)

I think we all do this.  No matter if it's with working out or whatever, we all play this game.

I do this with eating healthy too.  I tell myself that just one won't hurt or I've ate healthy all day or all week, I deserve a treat!  We aren't not dogs!  Do not reward yourself with food!  It's so easy to reward yourself with food.   It's an easy and inexpensive reward.  I could be rewarding myself with diamonds or tropical vacations....but no I choose food!  Food as always been my friend.  Food loves me and I love it! We get each other!

 

A chance of a life time!

 Since our team won the Biggest Loser challenge we won a boot camp workout with some real biggest losers!  

We met at 7:00pm at the Washington County Community Center.  We had no idea really what was in store other than a good workout!  It was so much more than that!

Some awesome news, Sarah who has had major problems getting pregnant and keeping her pregnancies is FINALLY pregnant!  She is a couple months along.  Even more amazing news, before finding out she was pregnant, she was chosen by a birth mom to adopt.  So she will have two babies this year!!!  So excited for her!  If you have not seen her you tube video, you should watch it!  AMAZING!  She is such an inspiration to me!  I loved her from the beginning!  I have so many feelings in common with her.  I never had a hard time getting pregnant but other than that we have lots in common.

We started out workout with some awesome stretches and warming up.  I was already dripping sweat on the floor during the WARM UP!!!  Seriously!

We then worked out for an hour and it was awesome!  I was of course pushing myself so I would impress them!  I mean seriously the cutest Tongan ever is working out with me! I'm going to push myself!  But the great part was I could actually do what he wanted us to do!  It was fun!  I knew this was a once in a lifetime opportunity so I took it all in! It felt amazing!  

 Myself and the adorable Sione!  Isn't he cute?!?!?!?!

I loved him and his cousin in BL season 7!

Myself and the super cute Sarah!!!  She is so cute! I loved her on BL season 11!

 

This prize was amazing!  After the workout we all sat and they told us their stories.  It was very inspirational.  Sione is HILARIOUS and HOT! LOL  Sarah is sweet and amazing and I connected with her story so much!   I wish I would have recorded their stories or at least took notes!   Sarah said some things that really hit home.  One story she told was while on the BL she was getting a massage by the massage therapist there.  He questioned her faith in God.  She was like no, I'm good there.  She never questioned her faith in God.  The therapist said, I have to question your faith in God,  She was shocked.  He said, if you have so much faith in this supreme being how can you not have faith in yourself!  WOW!  So true!  I've never doubted my faith in God but I have doubted my faith in myself a million times.  She also talked about how once you clear your mind of all the negative things, then your body will follow your mind!  I believe this with all my heart!  Over the years I have held on to negative feelings or thoughts or things people have said to me.  I tell myself I don't hold grudges and I am easy to forgive.  To a points it's true.  I just can't for the life of me forget those negative feelings and I have those negative feelings towards the people who have hurt me in the past and I need to let go!  I tend to hold things in!  Even though I also say it like it is, once I get talking, but for the most part I do hold in A LOT!  Obviously I'm going to get fat holding it all in.  All that negative doesn't have anywhere to go if I hold it in.  So this blog is going to help me with that!  I appreciate all the love and support you are all showing me by doing this blog and the support you are all giving me in my weight loss journey!  Without you I am nothing!

Sione's Biggest Losser Boot Camp

Tonight is the night!!!  Who doesn't love a cute Polynesian?!?!?!

So all along I knew that if I signed up for the Big Loser Community and won, I would be invited to go to Sione's Boot Camp!  I'm so excited!  It's tonight and it's just for my team!  It's going to be awesome! I can't wait to see what he has to say and teach us!  He obviously knows what he's doing!  He works at the Biggest Loser Fitness Ridge here in St George, Utah.  You can check it out at http://www.biggestloserresort.com/

I wish I could afford to go to the biggest loser resort!  It would be amazing!!!

So keep an eye out for my post about the boot camp.  It's going to be awesome!

Some of my Favorite Health Quotes!